How to be The Ultimate Modern Gentleman

The Dude —  July 9, 2015

Let’s get something out of the way. The following list isn’t meant to help you pick up women. It’s not meant to help you get a promotion, win an award, or impress anyone. If that’s what you’re looking for, well, you actually need this list more than most. Being a modern gentleman is never a means to some selfish end. Rather, it is its own good and its own reward. It’s about character, soul, inner substance, about being your own best self, and never for yourself alone but for those others you encounter day in and day out and stand to bless in some way. If a life of such selfless poise and consideration for others interests you, read on:

Conduct yourself with confidence and gentleness. No one feels this way all of the time, but a gentleman always does his best to fake it until he makes it. Confidence allows a man to confront challenges with a calm and a clarity of vision that instills calm in others. While this might be impressive to those others, you do it for them and for the order and peace confidence brings to all situations. When, despite your confidence, a situation doesn’t go to plan (they can’t always), you walk away without complaint or pouting.

When it comes to gentleness, the gentleman understands that everyone needs it and deserves it. People make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes will inconvenience or even hurt you, but you respond to the offender with grace, humility, and kindness—just as you hope to receive such things when you make mistakes. Further, a gentleman has no need for violence or shouting matches. Rather, he is secure in his own skin and his own attempt at showing the other grace. The gentleman walks away from aggressive or confrontational people, only wishing the best for such individuals.

Always conscientious. This covers everything from holding the door for strangers to staying mindful of your companions’ financial situations when suggesting restaurants to dine at. Above all, when someone says “no” to you, you always respect that individual’s right to his or her own point of view. You do not force others to submit to your body, ideas, or expectations. Rather, you respect others as free to direct their own lives. This does not mean you fail to stand up for others when called for or crumble when a point of view different from you is expressed. In such circumstances, you express yourself clearly and confidently but without expectation that your listener will “come around” to your way of seeing things.

If you are married or living with a partner, you reject the very existence of “women’s work.” You do not “help out” around the house nor do you “babysit” your own children. Housework and childrearing are shared responsibilities, belonging equally to you and your significant other. This means you cook, clean, change diapers, help manage the budget and generally pitch in whenever possible. A conscientious gentleman never treats a woman like she’s “the help.”

Always dress tastefully. The modern gentleman dresses well and uses the finest products. However, a confident and conscientious man never dresses to compete, impress, or advertise status and wealth. Instead, you wear tidy clothing that fits well and makes you feel good, and you always dress to the occasion. It is possible to dress up without being flashy and to dress down without looking like a bum.

Possess an open mind and a willingness to learn. A gentleman doesn’t know everything, but he does know that. Always flexible and willing to listen, gentlemen believe they can learn something from anyone and anywhere. He doesn’t speak with authority about subjects unless that authority is earned through life experience and book learning. When gaps in his knowledge and understanding present themselves to him, he makes an intestinal effort to learn more.

Like we said, being a modern gentleman isn’t about picking up women or being impressive. It’s about being your best self and offering that self to others. We hope the above guidelines help you in that quest!

The Dude

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